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What do you say during phone sex? Can you just Figuring out those aspects of phone sex or any other kind of sex might seem intimidating, but the experimentation involved is part of the fun. Below, we break down what phone sex is, why you should try it, how to start and stop and keep goingplus a few good tips to keep in mind throughout. We hope this helps you get over any awkwardness you might feel so that you can enjoy it.

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It would be a little awkward and kind of sweet if your partner got all dressed up for FaceTime sex, and you simply wanted to chat on the phone. While some people might snicker at phone sex, Michels says that it can be a way to cultivate intimacy within a relationship. Unsurprisingly, having great phone sex starts with a conversation. No matter how you decide to approach it, the important thing is to give your partner the opportunity to opt in and opt out if they want.

So part of gauging interest is understanding what makes you both excited to take things further. Clear and direct communication also means acknowledging that your partner might not be into phone sex, or they might have hard limits around video or sexting. And if your partner reacts negatively to phone sex, try not to get defensive. Instead, Engle suggests asking why they feel that way and learning a bit more about your partner. This might mean that you and your partner talk in detail about your deepest fantasies or that you find an imaginary scenario that turns you on and you act it out.

All of these conversation starters can help ease you into the conversation. We have a few more tips below.

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Phone sex can be awkward at the start, and, even if you get into it, staying in the moment can be challenging. For instance, the more vocal person can take the lead to relieve some of the stress. Touching yourself while you speak and listen is likely part of the equation. In fact, in most cases the other person on the line wants you to touch yourself—which is the opposite of judgmental. If your goal is to have an orgasmthen you should go for the gusto and, of course, give your partner space and time to do the same.

You and your partner might decide on a ritual that the two of you share to transition back into being two people chatting on the phone. The key is to keep the connection alive. So if you want to have phone sex, consider asking yourself what turns you on and what turns you off.

How would you describe them?

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Gently nudge yourself toward being more descriptive by thinking about precisely what you like, how you want it, and where you like it. If you can have spontaneous phone sex, go for it! But if you live with other people, have privacy concernsor want some time to prep—go ahead and plan. Find a time and place that allows you to speak openly without disturbing others around you. Yes, candles and sexy clothing can help you get into the groove, but you might consider sending a seductive photo or a flirty text message to build anticipation.

Phone sex in can be way more than just voice on voice.

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If you both feel comfortable, you can embrace video sex. Maybe you and your partner have only used the phone to rant about politics. You can try to slowly introduce more sensuality into your conversations by reading erotic literature to each other, Michels explains. Maybe reading books out loud feels more awkward than actual phone sex, or you want to try something else too.

Like sharing porn or reading books, you can get things started by talking about some of the best experiences you and your partner have shared remember vacation sex? Remember to lean into the details so that you and your partner can let your imaginations soar. Think of it as allowing yourself to surrender to your fantasies and step outside of yourself for a moment.

What would you say if you had no fear? Allowing yourself to express your desires through role-playingor an alter ego, might help you express your most authentic fantasies, Michels explains. Phone sex can still be an authentic and intimate experience, Michels says. So, instead of assuming you need to sound like a porn star unless you want toconnect with your body and your partner so that you can emphasize pleasure over performance.

Yes, aftercare is important for remaining connected with your partner, but you should also make sure you connect to yourself. If phone sex was uncomfortable, unpleasant, or just plain dull, be honest about the experience. Do what feels right, and enjoy.

SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. To start with the absolute basics: What counts as phone sex?

Ask yourself about your likes and dislikes. Think about the words and phrases that turn you on get specific. Find somewhere quiet and private to have phone sex. Know that your phone sex can include a video call. Consider starting the call by reading erotica to each other. Check in with yourself before, during, and after phone sex. She lives in Brooklyn, where, despite her busy schedule, she spends an unbelievable amount of time on her .

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